Azure
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: Kurt almost reopens old scars, literally, when he fears Blaine might have been the victim of a bashing. Burt trying to help the boys through this realizes for the first time how difficult it is for both boys to feel safe in this world. Warning: Cutting. KLAINE BURT CAROLE Second Chapter heavy on Burt and Carole.
1. Feelings darker than blue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee.

**A/N:**

Azure, one of the most beautifully inspiring colors I know. Hence the name of this story, and the dedication to someone who spends me inspiration and hope when there seems to be no color at all to be found anywhere in my world.

For you, **Addie117**.

**Love Always, M**

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><p><strong>Azure<strong>

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><p>Chapter One:<strong> Feelings darker than blue<br>**

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><p>"I'm a mess. I'm such a mess right now." Then there are only sobs, drowning out all of Kurt's voice.<p>

Blaine keeps trying though, "Shh. It's okay. It's okay. I love you, I love you so much, Kurt. Please, please don't try to hurt yourself ever again."

It takes minutes until Kurt, on the other end of the phone line, finds it in himself to bring out more than the tearing, desperate noises Blaine is not sure how much longer he will be able to take.

"Every time there is a newspaper article, or a report on the television about another bashing of some kid, I…I just can't take the fear anymore. That people can be like that, sometimes is enough…"

"…not to want to be anymore, because there is never a complete getting away from it. I know, Love, I know," Blaine tries to comfort, tears shed and so many more unshed pressing heavy on Blaine's vocal chords. So heavy even Kurt in his state notices still.

"I made you cry, Blaine. Love, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to," Kurt replies still sobbing deeply himself. The sounds reaching Blaine painfully clear over the speaker phone in Burt's car.

"No. NO, Kurt. Don't think that. Don't ever think that. It's the others."

"But…"

"Kurt, you are the most amazing, compassionate person I know, and knowing that someone like you exists…makes it all worth withstanding. You are, your love is the reason I can go on. So if you started hurting yourself again, I just, I couldn't…please don't do it. PLEASE. I love you so much. You don't need to be different. You don't need to change. I love YOU. You must know that."

"I know, I do. But when you are not with me, things start piling up again in my head, so fast sometimes, and I feel that hole where you are, so strong, every time. I don't know how to fix that. There is nothing that can replace you. I will never stop missing you."

"Kurt. Remember how I spend almost all my time at your family's house? How I have done that ever since we first found each other."

"Yes," Kurt chokes out with another heart wrenching sob.

"As soon as we found each other, I never wanted to leave your side ever again. And I do that too, almost choke on my own breath, logged in my throat, every time I see a news report that talks about a victim that about fits your description in age and height, things as simple as that. And in that moment it does not matter if we spoke only an hour ago. I still panic. I understand that your dad called me, I am so glad he did. I am grateful he came to pick me up. I wish you had called me. Last month, on the fourth, I know I managed to sound calm, but that was one of my panic calls to you. I just wish we had talked about this before, so Burt would not have had to find you in your room, with a knife, trying to reopen that scar."

"I needed…"

"I know, Love. Kurt, I know. Please pick up the phone next time."

"I was afraid of it being dead. You, being dead."

Blaine and Kurt talk for some more minutes before, only a couple of streets from the Hummels' house away they say their 'I love yous' and 'see you in a minute'.

Burt, driving, has heard the whole conversation. Blaine's hand had been shaking too much to hold the phone, after Burt had told him what had happened only hours earlier, so they had put the call on speaker.

Carole is currently home with Kurt, has probably spend the whole afternoon holding a crying Kurt in her arms, under a warm blanket, on the living room couch, "I did not know he was still hurting so so much. He really needs to get out of here, doesn't he? To ever completely even so much as want to stop hurting himself, he needs to get out."

"I'm not sure. What I know is, the self-harm, it is not a question of wanting," Blaine says still wiping away his own tears, "He never _wanted_ to hurt himself. He did it in the first place to try and make all the other pain stop. And for so long it was the only thing he had, he sometimes still forgets that there are…that he has other options now than pushing it down, distracting himself from one pain by creating another."

"You two really understand each other."

"I cannot remember it ever having been different."

When they turn into the driveway Kurt is already there, throwing the door wide open and himself in Blaine's arms before Blaine can so much as unbuckle his seatbelt. Not that Blaine cares about a seatbelt right now, a shaking Kurt in his arms.

Kurt curls up in Blaine's lap, burying his face in Blaine's chest, breathing shaky but deep.

Fresh tears come before words. "I thought it was you. Oh gosh, I thought it was you, dead."

"I'm right here. Right here."

Kurt places a kiss, lips wet and rough from all the tears, in the crook of Blaine's neck.

"I'm not going anywhere. I asked your dad already, I can stay, I can hold you all night tonight."

And he does hold Kurt, and they hold each other, and not just that night.

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><p><strong>Addie117, thank you for holding me. <strong>**Not just tonight. **


	2. To see what was there all along

**A/N:** Somehow I felt like writing a continuation for this today.

Hope you like it as much as I think I do *smiles*

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><p><strong>Azure<strong>

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><p>Chapter Two:<strong> To see what was there all along<br>**

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><p>Sleep does not come anything remotely related to easy that night for Burt. So after the two hour mark has been passed he gets back up, gets a drink of water from the kitchen downstairs before he walks back up, passing Kurt's room.<p>

It had been a hot summer day, with clear azure blue skies from sunrise to sunset, so it is no real surprise to find the house, otherwise quiet, filled with the sounds of the four other inhabitants soft breathing. All bedroom doors wide open to allow fresh air to flow in freely through windows, and travel between rooms.

With the air gently flowing, it is still too warm by far for anyone to feel cold, but Burt does shiver regardless. The thoughts he has been carrying inside for the last hours anything but warming.

So about to reenter his bedroom he turns away again, needing to see for himself that his boys are safe, all three.

Finn, is tangled in his sheets in a way that looks impossible, and _'…uncannily like some of the poses Mike and Schuster have had him try lately for Glee,' _Burt thinks, almost smirking despite himself.

A small smile on his lips as he turns away from the image of Finn drooling on his pillow, limbs a creative mess to say the least, Burt's temporary lift in mood fades again quickly as he takes the first steps towards Kurt's room.

There he finds a picture that could not be more different.

The boys are lying under a thin sheet, Blaine on his back, left hand gently buried in Kurt's hair, who is using Blaine's upper body as his pillow. _'Searching out…needing to hear Blaine's heartbeat.' _Burt knows.

Kurt had slept the whole first three months after his mother's death like this at his father's side, scared to lose all the love he had left in this world. The one person he had left, he had still been sure at the age of eight, would always love him, always protect him.

And just like this, tears already stinging at his eyes, Burt flashes back to standing right in this spot this afternoon, can see nothing but his son, looking so small, knife tightly clasped in his right hand, eyes meeting his, big and scared, as Burt had called out his son's name in shock and weakly, _"Kurt."_

'_Finding you like that, Son, I…,'_ and now, standing here Burt's tears finally come, full force.

Tears the man standing now frozen in the darkened hallway had been fighting back all afternoon and evening.

Burt feels arms wrap around his middle from behind him a moment later. "Honey," Carole's voice is soft and calm.

"How did I miss something so huge? How do I…, Parents shouldn't be able to fool themselves into thinking their kid is fine just because he has good grades, and a boyfriend who loves him so unbelievably much as Blaine proves every time the world comes crashing down. The world is not all rainbows and bunnies now, just because they have each other. Especially for them. I should have seen that before."

Carole moves in front of Burt and pulls him into her arms completely now.

As Burt, buries his tearstained face in her soft hair smelling of blueberries and vanilla, Carole hums tenderly, "You are seeing it now, and you will be…you are already a better dad for it. You want to know what Finn told me only months after you and I had married? He told me he could not have thought it possible, ever, how much safer, how much more loved he felt now that he has you in his life. As for Blaine: Blaine wants to be here, for all of us. He loves us too you know, not Kurt alone."

"Thank you," Burt, speechless and utterly overwhelmed himself still, murmurs into Carole's hair, hugging her back with all the love he had never thought he would ever feel again after Kurt's mother had passed away, so long ago now.

"Any time, Honey."

Together they watch on a while longer, watch Kurt and Blaine _'...rest their minds, forget their worries, their hearts resting close together, beating with hope'_ - Burt dares to think.


End file.
